What do you mean nobody ever said, "Dogs make the funniest people"? I was sure that was a thing. And besides, I just said it in my headline. So there. Suck it, y'all.
Huh? I just called myself an idiot? Well, I'm a bit of an ass that way.
Anyway, we dogsat for some good friends over the holiday weekend and got to spend some quality time with Coaster – a lovely and well-mannered greyhound. It couldn't have gone smoother. He was quiet, polite, appreciative and respectful – everything I wish any one of our kids could turn out to be. He and Shouko got along wonderfully. Jasmine gave him a bit of a hard time once or twice, but she's always been a bit of an uppity bitch. He and the cats had no problems either.
Still, introducing the canine rendition of Shawn Bradley into our home had to be worth some kind of blog post. So here are some highlights.
• Coaster's favorite treats are marshmallows. Hadn't heard of that one before, but hey, they're cheap! So let's give it a try. Coaster loved his. Shouko seemed to enjoy hers. Jasmine yacked up what amounted to a pile of marshmallow creme blended with dog bile onto the center of the living room rug.
• Coaster comes complete with his own collapsible mesh dog kennel. Or, from the cats' point of view, bunk beds.
• When you're hosting a finely tuned, highly trained former professional athlete in your home, I don't think it's rude to ask for a demonstration of some kind if you can make it seem like it casually comes up in conversation. I mean, if Brett Favre was in your kitchen, you know you would totally ask him to step out in the back yard and hit you on a couple of quick fade routes. (What? He's not retired? Is he or isn't he? I know he's coming back in September – everyone knows that. But, for right now, how do we refer to Brett's career status?) So we decided to load Coaster and Shouko up into the truck (don't get me started on that awkward ordeal) and drive them over to the off-leash dog park for a run (Coaster) and swim (Shouko). Great idea, right? The Man had other ideas. Bummer.
• Coaster is a wonderful dog. A true sweetheart. And I'm sure that, in his day, he was a great racer. But he's tragically uncoordinated. We learned that on day one when he slipped and cut himself while executing the hazard-filled hop-up-the-step-to-enter-the-kitchen-through-the-garage maneuver. (Kids…um…I think you can pretty much go ahead and try this one at home.)
All in all, it was a great time. We'd do it again in a heartbeat. Any time. No trouble and a couple of good laughs. You know, it's like I always say, "Dogs make the funniest people."